Log in

HA HA HA HA I know better...

How will you be suspended from LJ? by Anonymous LJ User
Years on LJ
Hours left until your suspension18
Your crimeMasturbating. They know.
Who reported youbloodrayveness
Your fateWe'll never forget you, honest.

Poe would NEVER!!! lol
A friend emailed this site to me and I figured I would share...it has 100's of recipes on it for all sorts of Holiday stuff..from pies, cakes, candy, bread, cookies, and more. Check it out, I just spent about an hour looking around on it and there is a lot of good stuff. I am definately gonna try the peppermint pie since we all know that I worship anything peppermint.



PS...it even has metric conversions for the people not in the states.

leave me presents....

Ten Inch Hero on YOUTUBE!!!!

Check it out and then check out the ten inch hero myspace and grab a banner to show your support.



Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy:

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand,you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering,

'What the hell happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.


A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.


"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No"

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"


"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy ", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle.. "ME"


questions that haunt me...

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'.. But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song , Bah bah Black Sheep, and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

putting your affairs in order....

>A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and
>said, 'I have some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your
>affairs in order.'
>The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into The
>waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. 'Well daughter, we women
>celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so
>well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to the
>club and have a martini.' After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a
>little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis.
>They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who
>were curious as to what the two were celebrating.
>The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.
>'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
>The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences. After the
>friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, ' Momma, I
>thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends
>you were dying of AIDS.'
>The woman said, 'I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your
>father after I'm gone.'
>Hell yes we are evil.....


Grandpa Joke

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
>When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into
>his grandpa's room.
>"Grandpa, Grandpa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the
>room, make a noise like a frog!"
>"What?" said his grandpa.
>"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak,
>we're going to Disneyland!!!"


typing the wrong email address!!!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier r. Because of their hectic schedules,
it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left
Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the
following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left
out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent
the email. Meanwhile, some where in Houston, a widow had just returned home
from her husband's funeral. He was minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she
screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room , found his
mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
TO: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived!

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow; looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

> P.S. Sure is hot down here!